love story part eleven: my decision

I began to pray. I didn't ask whether or not I should marry him, because I wanted to make my own decision, and then ask God if it was right. So I did.

I pictured myself marrying Colten. Would I be able to share holidays with his family? Would I be able to handle his flaws? Could HE handle all of mine?

The only thing that brought my controlling mind peace was the idea of marrying him. The idea of breaking things off was so painful I would cry big alligator tears just thinking about it.

I told my parents I was pretty sure we were going to get married. And that it wasn't "for sure" yet, but it seemed to be right.

I finally got the courage to pray out loud and ask God on my way home from the gym one evening. It went like this,

"Heavenly Father. I love this man. I love him with all my heart. He's everything I have ever wanted in a husband."

I started to tell him everything I loved about Mr. Jolley. The way he kissed my forehead, the way he handled my emotional breakdowns, even from 150 miles away. The way my little brothers loved him, and the hard worker he truly was. I loved his smile, his muscles, and the way he made me feel safe. I loved the way he wrote me sappy love notes, and often spoke of our future. I loved the way he would watch Disney movies, and the way he loved the Lord.

In a moment of pure revelation, the Lord told me that his job is to fulfill my desires as I live righteously. And He let me catch a glimpse of His love and plans for Mr. Jolley.

He told me yes. After bursting into sobbing happy tears, I knew. It was my turn to say yes.