love story part nine: considering forever

I decided it was time to at least start considering marrying this boy. Sure I'd only known him a few weeks, but since when has true love ever been convenient right? I was too afraid to pray about it. What if God told me not to marry him? I couldn't picture my life without him. So we decided to start acting as if we were going to get married, but not make anything official. 

I met his family. He met my family. The whole shebang. I got to see his hometown, and he got to see mine. We talked through our flaws and faults and things that might cause problems later if we WERE to get married.

And then came time for me to register for school. I was SO conflicted. So full of "what ifs."

What if we get married in December? Then we have to do long distance for 9 more months through a snowy canyon.

What if we tried to get married in the middle of a school semester? I'd rather die.

What if we got married in the summer? I'd have to be engaged like NOW! And sell my fall housing contract. And what the heck will I do for schooling?

What if I dropped everything I had, friends, a good job, and 70% of a college degree to marry him and then things didn't work out? I'd be so embarrassed and feel so foolish.

What if I just moved home for Fall semester and did online schooling for just one semester? Then no harm, no foul if things don't work out. I could just move right back up to Utah State.But what if they did? Then I could potentially get married in the middle of a semester....The thoughts went on and on.

Then in all my stressed out, OCD planning, I realized I wanted forever with him. I really did. And all the sudden, I was afraid of losing him. I didn't want to do life with anyone else.

I realized I needed to talk to him about my options and see where he stood, and just how serious he was about this marriage thing...