i didn't marry him to change him

When my husband proposed, I said "Yes." There was no hesitation, and I never doubted my decision. I knew we would make each other happy. I knew we would be best friends, lovers, and each others support system. And later when chatting with a friend, she said, "Do you think he'll change after marriage? Do you hope he'll get better?"

After much thought about the subject I realized something. I didn't marry him to change HIM, I married him to change ME.

I married him because often times he challenged every view I'd ever had, and changed my perspective. I married him because he encourages me to be more than I used to be, yet loves me just as I am right now. I married him because he helps me be my best self, and I want to be better when I'm with him. I didn't marry him because I thought I could change him. I married him because I wanted my marriage to strengthen me as an individual. I wanted it to make me more compassionate, more understanding, and more caring.

Growing up, I loved to date what you could call, "charity cases." I found boys who were a little rough around the edges, and used my feminine ways to encourage them to change for the better. I dated these boys because I considered myself better than them. And it was damaging. For their lives and my own.

I was disappointed that when I left them alone they would fall back into old habits of pornography. I'd see them posting curse words on Facebook and Instagram. I'd find out they were in juvy for drug use. I'd find out they were running away from a foster home that loved and protected them. I dated them all. I assumed that I could change them, I could be the difference. And that background, and many failed attempts of changing them made me realize that I couldn't change them. They would have to do that themselves.

We weren't designed to change others, inspire others? Sure. Encourage one another? You bet. But if you get married expecting to change your husband, you might be disappointed to find that the person who changes the most in your eyes is YOU.

And that's why I married my husband. Because his life, his personality, his characteristics and his love changed ME. And if you ask him, he'll tell you he married me for the same reason.